Phil Werdell, M.A.

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In developing a "surrendered" abstinence, many food addicts are taking on the most difficult task of their lives. After all, for many of us, food seemed to be the most important thing in our lives. For others of us, food was a major comfort in times of pain, stress and celebration. For most of us, we only came to to get help when we began to see that we were – or were becoming – completely powerless over food. Many of us had to face the important though daunting task of improving our relationship to God, as we understand God. Seen this way, developing good food abstinence is one of the most important things we can ever do in our lives.

For a few of us, this comes easily, but this is not the rule. For most the process of surrendering to a food abstinence that works is a long, educative process. Some find it useful to see that the process often parallels the process of grief. In fact, we are often grieving the foods we most wanted and the very idea of ourselves as being able to control our own lives. There is a process of grieving, and – while it is not usually a straight and linear path – there do seem to be stages:

1) Denial

2) Bargaining

3) Compliance

4) Anger

5) Fear

6) Sadness

7) Surrender, i.e., acceptance

That we need to move through each of these stages – and usually keep moving through them – is what makes surrender a spiritual practice. A food plan is a tool in this process.

The Promise? Not just Abstinence but a Life Beyond Our Wildest Dreams

At one time, most of us saw a surrendered food abstinence as hopelessly impossible. If we were to be abstinent, it would have to be with reservations. Then we complied, as best as we could, one day at a time. We found it was possible, but we were angry, afraid and sad. Was this all there was to life? However, when we stayed with the practice, allowed our selves to feel our feelings and kept at working the Twelve Steps, we discovered a serene abstinence. While many of us had to work hard – over and over again go to any length, when this joyous abstinence arrived, we experienced it almost entirely as a gift. That is the wonderful paradox of the program, while abstinence often begins as a surrender we do not want to make, it becomes the key to a life beyond our wildest dreams, and we are grateful.