Phil Werdell, M.A.

Previous Page

Now About Weight

We compulsive eaters have taken on some very foolish beliefs about weight. On the one hand, some of us have internalized the dangerous social standard that you can never be too thin or have a flat enough stomach. On the other hand, some of us adopted that irrational position that, since there is no perfect weight for everyone, then we can be whatever size we want to be. All of us have harbored our own fair share of crazy thinking about size and body image. So, what are we to do about establishing a goal weight?

First, as in other matters of our food plan, we tried to be honest, open and willing. We needed to take a long, hard look at our history. We needed to consider the feedback and advice of others, including health professionals, especially if our initial response was reactive. We needed to be open to the possibility that our thinking about our weight was inaccurate and a part of our disease. We need to examine any position we hold too rigidly and consider it might be "self-will run riot. "

Whatever our goal weight turns out to be, we must be willing to grow towards it. Some of us found that when we put our focus on being abstinent one day at a time, the problem of weight took care of itself. Still many of us find that weighing once a month is a healthy reality check. We still need to commit an appropriate number of calories per day. The scale does not lie, but in our disease, we food addicts do. If we are not making progress towards or maintaining a healthy weight, it is likely that we are either lying to ourselves about our food or need to consult a health professional.

Often we needed to rely at first on others who we trust in this matter. If they understand compulsive eating and food addiction, they are likely to say put your focus on surrendering to just being abstinent one day at a time, and proceed on the issue of weight patiently. Only God can judge our ideal weight. Considering our food plan as a spiritual tool and our abstinence as a spiritual practice will lead us to an answer over time.

There is a cautionary note: if you are committing to any food plan, especially to a highly restrictive plan or one of the more structured plans, it is very important to check it with your doctor or a dietician. Food addicts frequently have additional food-related health issues, and they can be important, even life threatening.

For example, diabetics would not be wise to have a food plan that included sugar. Those with thyroid problems may need to calculate their calorie needs differently. Those with hypoglycemia may need to break their food up into five or six small meals. Those who have had intestinal by-pass operations will not be able to eat meals with large volume. Those with specific food allergies will not be able to eat other specific foods, even though they are not addicted to them. Those on medications for any number of other illnesses will need to be sure that their food plan does not interfere with the working of these medications.

The good news is that these strategies have worked for tens of thousands of food addicts, and that if one strategy does not work, you can try another one. There are a couple of general rules: First, generally, it is best to begin working to abstain from what will kill you the fastest; second, if you are unable to abstain when you give it your all, surrender to more structure and support.

What does more structure and support mean in practice?

1. Going to more recovery group meetings.

2. Making calls to more people who are abstinent.

3. Looking seriously at professional support or treatment.

Surrendering to a food plan is often just the beginning. There is also a process of surrender: committing our food one meal or one day at a time. Here again, OA brings the experience of tens of thousands of compulsive eaters over forty years, and probably the most common practice among all the OA’s who have achieved and maintained long term abstinence is the use of a food sponsor.

Using a Sponsor

As part of a 12 Step Program, a food sponsor is usually another food addict who is abstinent themselves. They are a guide in defining a surrendered food plan. Equally important, they can offer structure and support in the day-to-day practice of surrendering to the plan. One simple common process generally works like this:

1. Write down your food for the day specifically, before eating

2. Read your committed foods for the day to your sponsor

3. Go to any length to keep your commitment (checking back with your sponsor if a problem arises)

4. Be rigorously honest with your sponsor about whether or not you kept your commitment, after you eat your meals.

As with other aspects of abstinence, there are many variations in practice. Some begin by just committing "bottom lines." Some people just write their food down and don’t commit it. Some begin committing specifically, but later commit generically. Some write their food down and check in with a sponsor afterwards in order to be accountable. It is useful information, though, that a majority of compulsive overeaters with long term abstinence have gone through a period of time – often a quite long period of time – when they committed their food very specifically on a daily basis to a sponsor.

Committing your food to a sponsor has many advantages. First, it means that we are not trying to deal with our food alone. For those are not able to deal with their food by themselves, this makes a lot of sense.

Second, the process of committing our food and keeping our commitment builds a whole new set of habits and attitudes over time. In the planning, preparing, eating and cleaning up after our meals there are dozens of small actions, many of which need to be changed over time.

Third, the simple act of not making decisions about our food by ourselves is, for the compulsive eater, one of the best ways to practice surrender. Since for many of us a surrendered abstinence is the only thing that works with our food, it is always a plus to develop our spiritual muscles.